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The Sex And Spirituality F.A.Q.
© Bonnie L. Johnston



What is the relationship between sex and spirituality?

Historically, sex and spirituality have been uneasy bedfellows -- while some ancient religions did include sexuality in their rites, others sought to control sexuality, either by suppressing it or by severely limiting its expression. Most of the dominant religions in the world today are sex-negative, preaching the suppression of the sexual urge or the channeling of that urge into socially-acceptable forms (marriage as reproductive arrangements).

Which ancient traditions chose to include sexuality as a spiritual act?

  • The Sumerians performed the Sacred Marriage, a union between a priestess of their goddess, Inanna, with a priest-king, as a means of obtaining the favor of this goddess for their cities. In Greece, this type of ritual sex was referred to as the Hieros Gamos; and evidence indicates that it was also practiced by the Egyptians in the cult of Isis up until the Roman era. Hints from various ancient sources indicate that a Hieros Gamos may have been part of the Eleusinian mysteries.
  • Sacred prostitution, a means by which men could visit temples and have sex with temple prostitutes in order to commune with a particular goddess, was practiced in numerous ancient Middle Eastern cultures, and in India up until the 1950s.
  • In India, the Tantric tradition, overseen by the god Shiva and his consort Kali/Parvati, continue for hundreds (possibly thousands) of years before being incorporated into Buddhism. Practitioners of Tantra seek enlightenment and union with the Divine through sexual rites and other forms of meditation and ritual.
  • After Tantra was brought to China by traveling monks, it was combined with Taoist philosophy and Chinese medical theory, and was used by those who sought to increase health and (in some cases) achieve physical immortality (through sexual techniques thought to prolong the vitality of the practitioner).
  • Some sects of early Christianity incorporated sexual rites into their religious practices; all of these sects were persecuted into extinction by the Roman Catholic Church once it was able to successfully consolidate its political standing as the sole religious institution of Europe.

What is sacred sexuality?

Sacred sexuality is a form of spirituality which sees sex as a means of experiencing or communing with the Divine. Sacred sex harnesses the power of sexuality for the purposes of accelerating personal transformation and enhancing spiritual growth. Sacred sexuality has been practiced throughout recorded history: in India, Tibet and China; and throughout the Middle East and Europe.

Sacred sexuality is an ecstatic path -- its practitioners use sex as a means of inducing an ecstatic trance state which enhances their perception of the Divine and reduces or eliminates their sense of themselves as separate from the Divine.

What are the advantages of sacred sexuality? What are the disadvantages?

ADVANTAGES:

  • Increased vitality and health
  • Enhanced perception of the Divine in all aspects of your life
  • Intensification of pleasure, both sexual and otherwise
  • Deeper intimacy, not only in your romantic relationships, and but in all relationships
  • Release of negative conditioning
  • Deeper sense of communion with the Divine

DISADVANTAGES:

  • Potential physical discomfort (sacred sex techniques increase the flow of energy through your body, and can aggravate existing physical conditions).
  • Potential emotional discomfort (sacred sex techniques require a great deal of honesty -- as you begin to explore your sexuality, you will be exploring your entire being -- sexuality touches all areas of the psyche. Negative mental conditioning, repressed emotions, and spiritual weakness will be brought to the surface of your consciousness, where you will be forced to deal with them.)

What is the philosophy behind sacred sexuality?

Sacred sexuality is based on the philosophy of sensualism: the idea that enlightenment is reached not by retreating from the world, but by participating in it fully. Sensualists believe that the spiritual world is not separate from the physical world, but inherent within it -- that the Divine exists right here, right now. Sensualism suggests that we are here in the physical world to learn certain lessons, and that we learn those lessons through our experience of the physical world, which is also the world of the Divine.

Sensualism contrasts with the philosophy of asceticism, which postulates that the spiritual world is separate from the physical world, and that one must turn one's attention away from the physical in order to perceive the spiritual. Most of the world's major religions are primarily ascetic: Christianity, Judaism, Islamic, Buddhism. However, the philosophies of sensualism and asceticism can be seen as complementary: it is possible to incorporate both sensual and ascetic techniques into your spiritual path.

Sensualism also differs from hedonism -- hedonism is a materialistic philosophy which does not recognize the Divinity that is inherent in the material: hedonism is a philosophy of consumerism, in which the individual is encouraged to indulge in material pleasures simply for the sake of indulgence.

What are the main traditions or schools of sacred sexuality?

The two most widely-practiced traditions of sacred sexuality are:

  • The tradition which is based on Tantra, an Indian religion which incorporates ritual sex into its practices. Tantra was eventually incorporated into Buddhism to form Tantric Buddhism, but in most cases the ritual sex was eliminated, and only the symbolism of sexual union as a metaphor for union with the Divine was retained.
  • The tradition which is based on Taoist alchemy, a Chinese spiritual system which evolved after Tantra was brought to China (through Tibet). Taoist alchemy is a combination of Taoism and Tantric sexual practices, many of which have been modified and added to by Chinese practitioners throughout the centuries.

Neither Tantra nor Taoist alchemy are limited to sexual practice -- they are spiritual systems which include sexual techniques as part of a larger spiritual practice.

How is sacred sexuality practiced today?

Today there are many different schools of sacred sexuality. Some are based on Tantric teachings, others on Taoist teachings; some combine techniques from both traditions, and others are even more eclectic, drawn from a variety of other traditions and from their founders' personal experience. Sacred sexuality today is taught in a number of ways: as a tool for healing sexual trauma and awakening sensuality, as a way to deepen intimacy and strengthen relationships, as a path to enlightenment and self-transformation, and as a key to communion with the Divine. Sacred sexuality can be used to achieve each of these goals; understanding what you want from sacred sexuality will make it much easier to find sources which will teach you to apply sacred sexual techniques to your goal (or goals).

Do I have to give up my religion to practice sacred sex?

No. Although the sacred sexual techniques which have survived to the present day were developed within particular religious contexts (Tantra and Taoism), they can be used to open your consciousness to all forms of Divinity. How you incorporate sacred sexual technique into your own spiritual path is a personal choice, and you are free to practice in whatever manner you are most comfortable.

However, if you currently participate in a religion which is sex-negative (i.e. which teaches that sex is evil, sinful, immoral, wrong, or intended for reproductive purposes only), you may experience some difficulty integrating your experiences with sacred sexuality into your primary belief system. You may also have some mental conditioning around the subject of sex which will make your practice of sacred sexuality more difficult. Sacred sex will encourage you to re-evaluate what you have been taught about sex in the past, and will lead you to a new understanding of the relationship between sexuality and spirituality. Unless you firmly believe that sex and spirituality are mutually exclusive (and if you do, you probably aren't reading this FAQ), you should be able to incorporate sacred sex into your existing religious background.

Do I need to have a partner to practice sacred sexuality?

Sacred sexuality can be practiced either alone or with a partner -- ultimately, the techniques are designed to help you achieve a state of balance within yourself, as well as in your relationships with others and with the Divine. Many of the techniques can be performed just as effectively by a single individual, using self-stimulation as a means for generating and raising sexual energy. In fact, even if you do have a partner, it's a good idea to practice these techniques on your own as well:

  • Individual practice increases your own sensitivity to energy and your own ability to control its movement through your body.
  • Individual practice allows you to learn new techniques more quickly, without the distraction of a partner.
  • Individual practice allows you to maintain your own ideal state of health, sexual and otherwise, without relying on a partner.
  • Individual practice can make it easier for you to tune into your own inner experience, making it easier for you to work on achieving internal balance.

Do I have to be promiscuous or have multiple partners to practice sacred sexuality?

No. Although some ancient texts recommend promiscuity as a means of achieving detachment from one's sexual partners (as well as from the rest of the physical world), it is not necessary to do so in order to practice sacred sexuality -- these techniques can also be practiced effectively within the context of a committed, monogamous relationship.

How does polyamory fit into sacred sexuality?

Polyamory and monogamy are both compatible with the practice of sacred sexuality. It is not the type of relationship you have in sacred sex, but the quality of the relationship(s). Practicing sacred sex with a partner requires a great deal of trust and commitment. Some people find these qualities in monogamy, and some find them in polygamy: what is most important is that you be dedicated to furthering your own spiritual growth and the growth of your partner(s), and that you be able to recognize the spark of Divinity within your partner(s).

Do I have to be heterosexual to practice sacred sexuality?

No. Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals can practice sacred sexuality -- the techniques of sacred sex are focused on the movement of energy through the body, and the sharing of energy between partners -- the gender of the body (or bodies) involved is not nearly as important as the strength of the energetic polarities within and between practitioners. These energetic polarities sustain the flow of energy during sacred sex (and in the rest of life as well), creating the conditions which allow you to achieve ecstatic communion with the Divine.

Non-heterosexuals may experience some frustration with the available books and other materials which teach sacred sex, as both Tantra and Taoist alchemy developed in societies whose gender roles were rigidly defined, and most texts today assume that the practitioners will be heterosexual. Many texts even warn against homosexuality, but this is a cultural bias which was transferred to the sacred sexual traditions, not a spiritual truth. Extended practice of sacred sexuality strengthens both the traditionally masculine and feminine qualities -- androgyny, a state of wholeness within the psyche, is one of the end results of sacred sexual practice.

Are bondage and domination (B&D) or sadism and masochism (s&m) compatible with sacred sexual practice?

Bondage and domination and sadism and masochism can be incorporated into sacred sex, if you so desire. Both of these styles of lovemaking can be used to induce and/or strengthen an ecstatic trance. This is a matter of personal choice.

What is sex magic? And how is it different from sacred sexuality?

Sex magic is a subset of sacred sexuality, and incorporates many of the traditional techniques of sacred sexuality into magical practice as a means of raising energy which can then be channeled into a magical working. Sex magical workings can be directed towards achieving union with the Divine, accelerating personal transformation, or achieving goals within the physical world.

What kinds of techniques are utilized in sacred sexual practice?

Some of the techniques used in sacred sexual practice include:

  • Meditation
  • Visualization
  • Chanting of mantras (phrases which are repeated over and over again while the practitioner is in a meditative state)
  • Gazing on yantras (geometric designs in which various deity-forms are thought to dwell)
  • Chakra work
  • Massage
  • Prayer
  • Specific patterns of breathing
  • Contraction of the PC and anal muscles to retain energy and to circulate it within the body
  • Specific sexual positions
  • Rhythmical thrusting (the male performsa specific number of thrusts, with a particular timing, repeated a certain number of times)

What about passion and spontaneity? Do I have to give those up to practice sacred sexuality?

Many beginners find it difficult to concentrate on specific techniques while they are having sex -- after all Western society treats sex as one of the few times in your life where you are supposed to "lose control". Sacred sexuality, on the other hand, requires that you gain precise control over you body: the techniques are designed to help you harness the energies of sex in new and unfamiliar ways. In the short term, this new physical discipline may decrease your ability to enjoy sex, because practicing a special breathing technique or counting the number of thrusts is distracting you from the pleasurable sensations. (This is one of the reasons why it's a good idea to practice these techniques by yourself, during self-stimulation, before you use them with a partner -- it gives you greater control over the type of distraction you will be learning to overcome.)

Once mastered, however, sacred sexual technique increases your pleasure tremendously by slowing down the sexual cycle and allowing you and your partner to remain in the arousal stage much longer -- a necessary condition for experiencing the whole-body orgasm. The techniques also teach you how to expand the energies of the orgasm and to direct them upward throughout your entire body, inducing a state of bliss in which it is possible to commune with the Divine.

When you first start, you may feel a little bit frustrated or distracted -- don't worry about it. Just keep practicing the techniques until they are second nature. Ideally, the more you practice on your own, the more easily you will learn to use them successfully with a partner.

What is a whole-body orgasm?

During "normal" sex, you experience what is referred to as a genital orgasm: an orgasm in which the sensations are centered primarily in your genitals, and which usually last only a few seconds. The energy which you raised during sex is dissipated when you experience a genital orgasm -- this is why many people feel drained immediately after sex.

A whole-body orgasm, on the other hand, is an orgasm in which the energy of orgasm is drawn up from the genitals into the rest of the body, and the sacred sex practitioner learns to prolong the experience of orgasm for minutes or even hours. In the whole-body orgasm, the energy raised is not immediately dissipated, but is retained and remains available to the practitioner, leaving them feeling revitalized and alert.

There are a variety of techniques through which sacred sex practitioners learn to experience the whole-body orgasm (see What kinds of techniques are utilized in sacred sexual practice?). There is no single technique which you can use to force your body to have a whole-body orgasm -- everyone's body is different, and you will need to experiment with various techniques (and combination of techniques) to learn which work for you.

How can I get started?

There are many books and videotapes available to those interested in the study of sacred sexuality, and a number of instructors offering workshops and/or personal instruction in various systems. Below, you will find some resources to help you get started.


BOOKS

These are a few books to get you started.

Sexual Energy Ecstasy: A Practical Guide to Lovemaking Secrets of the East and West, by David and Ellen Ramsdale.

Sexual Secrets: The Alchemy of Ecstasy, by Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger.

The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers, by Margo Anand.


INSTRUCTORS:

If you decide to seek an instructor, it is important that you select one who is compatible with your goals and your style of learning. Don't be afraid to interview the instructor before committing to classes, and to check the instructor's references. You can also speak to students who have taken classes with the instructor already, to get a better idea of how the instructor teaches and what you will be learning from him or her.


WEBSITES AND OTHER ONLINE RESOURCES:

You'll find a wide variety of resources by searching in various search engines using the keywords tantra, tantric, and sacred sex.

A site of interest is LoveJourney: The Healing Path of Tantra for Women. LoveJourney provides seminars for women teaching ancient arts that link spirituality, intimacy, and sexuality. Learn how breathing practices deepen connection, experience heart-centered rituals, explore healthy communications and erotic practices that open you to full passion and pleasure. A lovely community of sex-positive women is building around this work.