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Some of the more common questions women have about vibrators are:
BZZT! Thank You For Playing!Like any other electrical device, vibrators should always be approved by the Underwriters' Laboratory. You should see a UL in a circle stamped on it someplace. As long as you don't use it in the tub, in a pool, or in the shower, you'll be perfectly fine.If you are using a battery-operated model, however, you will want to remove the batteries from it if you aren't going to be using it for a while. Like with any electrical appliance, the batteries can corrode if they are left in and go bad. But no -- as long as you don't immerse it in water and use a UL approved model, you will be perfectly safe. And there are some models that are specially made to be waterproof and thus usable in the tub or shower. "I Can Quit Any Time I Want To!"Many women are afraid that they can somehow get "addicted" to a vibrator, such that they are unable to have an orgasm any other way. However, the interesting and wonderful thing about orgasms is that the more ways you find to have them, the more ways you can have them. So far from crutching yourself on one device, you'll be opening yourself up to a whole new spectrum of possibility by experimenting.The key is not to rely on any one way to satisfy yourself. As long as you use a variety of ways, that's what counts. If you use only a vibrator, it might prevent you from enjoying other ways -- but work the vibrator into a spectrum of ways that you can enjoy yourself, either alone or with a partner! Part of the fear of "being addicted" to a vibrator has its foundation in the fear that a woman can like sex too much. There is a myth in this culture that once a woman has experienced something she enjoys without reservation that she will turn into a ravening demon, uncontrollable, and that her very presence will blast the landscape lifeless. Don't buy it! Spoiling yourself is not something to feel guilty over, and taking pleasure in things is a wonderful part of being a human being. You don't need to apologize for enjoying something, particularly something connected to sex. You won't become a ravening monster if you enjoy a vibrator -- we promise you. We didn't. Oh, maybe you might be motivated to get angry at the way that our freedom of speech is being threatened and throw up a web site with a few friends. But that's not exactly a bad thing . . .
Picture of a woman using a vibrator to massage her clit and a toy ball chain to excite the anus. Man Over Machine, or Vice VersaSince women aren't seen as sexual for our own sake, but for a man's, it can seem selfish or thoughtless to use a vibrator when you have a perfectly serviceable husband or boyfriend. Don't worry -- it's not.In the above section, I discussed how female sexuality and desire is often seen as something that will turn a woman into a monster if it is "unchained" and let loose. Another of the common myths about female sexuality is that it is something to be hoarded and saved for the right man -- everything from "saving yourself for marriage" to chastity belts to the epithet hurled towards divorcees that they are "used goods" labels a woman's sexual desire as a perishable commodity that she has to hoard and save for someone else's benefit. Her sex can be used up, or go bad -- and it's selfish of her to use it up for herself instead of giving it to someone else. But there isn't any limit to the number of orgasms or the amount of enjoyment you can have in your life -- it isn't as if, for every orgasm you have by yourself, you lose one that you can have with your husband or boyfriend. Female desire won't run dry -- it's not hot and cold running water that should run how and only when the (male) user wants it to, and not at all otherwise. It's okay to use one. Don't feel bad about turning down your guy one night and then using the vibrator the next -- sometimes you're just horny, and sometimes, you're not. In fact, it can oftentimes help your sex life with your man. As I said above, the more different ways you have an orgasm, the more ways you can! This means that a vibrator can be just the spice your sex life with your loving man needs! Also, sometimes a woman can be nervous or afraid of penetration -- it's an intimidating thing, and is often seen as scary thanks to the way that sex is portrayed in this culture. You don't know what it feels like, or you're wondering if it will hurt. Any of these things can tense you up during your first sexual experience with a boy or man, and keep you from enjoying yourself (and keep him from enjoying himself if he's worried that you will be in pain). A vibrator can be a wonderful, no-stress, ready-when-you-are way to find out the answers to all of these questions. Woman Over Machine?Many times, lesbians or bisexual women who prefer women can feel angry or guilty about their interest in "penetrative devices." Lesbians are made to feel inferior because of the lack of a penis in their relationship, as if only sex with penetration "really counts." It's an insulting dismissal, and we are right to be angry about it.And many times, a woman-oriented woman may feel guilty if she wants to use one with her partner -- almost as if she's caving in to the, "We aren't really having sex unless one of us is penetrated," mind set. It's okay, really to want to use one with your female partner! There's a big difference between using one out of despair because you feel inferior (and I've never met the lesbian yet who feels this way), and using one because you want to give or receive pleasure from a woman. It doesn't make you a closet straight, and it doesn't make you a pretender. And it most emphatically doesn't make you a sell-out. Straight people kiss -- does that mean we shouldn't? Straight people caress one another's chests -- should we not do that? Lips and nipples are highly sensitive places, filled with the capacity for enjoyment. And no part of your lover's body is "off limits" to you if you want to provide her with pleasure via it. Don't let straights make you think that you are wrong for wanting to give your lover enjoyment through her vagina. It's not a terrible thing to want, and it's not a terrible thing to do. If you wish to give her enjoyment, do so -- please don't let anyone else's ideology, especially one that's hostile to us in the first place, make you think that you are bad for loving any part of your partner. If you want to use a vibrator, as long as you are both agreed to it, there is nothing wrong with it. You aren't a sell-out -- you are simply looking to expand your spectrum of enjoyment, and looking to provide your partner with pleasure. Many straight people would be delighted to know that their ideology was preventing you from fully relaxing and enjoying yourself in the bedroom -- don't give them the satisfaction. If you want to do something, or if you're curious, you go ahead and do it. "I'm Not Shaped Like This!"If you're like me, you may have gone into a sex toy store and seen some damned strange looking things that were called vibrators! Little tree-shaped doohickeys hanging off the top, spurs sticking out of one or both sides . . . what the hell are those things?Well . . . they can be any number of things. The most likely is that they are clitoral stimulators. I'm not going to assume anything about what you know and don't know, so we'll explain from the top, or bottom, as it were. Although the vulva and vagina are all very rich in nerve endings and are full of possibility for enjoyment, the seat of most female orgasms is the clitoris, a little nub of flesh at the front of the vulva. If you aren't squicked by the idea (and it's not gross, really), you can get a small hand mirror and take a look. (No, it's not disgusting -- it's just a little dark pink bud.) The clitoris is a very sensitive place -- it's estimated that in that one small space is packed an equal number of nerve endings as can be found in a man's penis! So it's a pretty impressive little doodad! While a woman is capable of an astonishing variety of orgasms, the most reliable and the fastest route to one is direct stimulation of the clitoris. And that's what the little "thingamabob" sticking out of one side of that goofy-looking vibrator you saw last weekend is. You place the large section inside yourself, and lay the "spur" against your clitoris. Then, lean back and enjoy! Some vibrators also have even stranger things hanging off of them -- these are for stimulation of the interior of the vagina or the cervix. Cleanliness Is Next To . . . Well, You Know.If you are sharing one with a partner of either sex, you'll have to keep the thing clean. One option is simply to place a condom over the tip of the thing, especially if you are going from anal to vaginal use!If, however, you're just using it yourself and want to know how to keep it clean, simple soap and water should more than suffice. If you want to be extra-clean, you can buy "disinfectants" at most toy stores. Ow!No doubt about it, it can seem odd to us that an opening so . . . diminutive . . . can hold something so substantial as even a modestly sized penis. You look at your average tampon, think, "Tiny," and know how strongly you hold onto those. Then, you take a look at your male partner and think, "How the hell is that going to get in there?"Considerations like this, as well as the damaging mystery of the "torn hymen" and bleeding, can make first-time sex scary for a girl who doesn't know what to expect. All you ever hear is, "It's gonna hurt." Whee. Who could be anything but nervous and timid the first time? Well, you do have options, and it doesn't have to be painful. I'll need to talk a bit about what it means to be a virgin physically first. Again, it's not gross, really. Most people seem to think of the hymen as a piece of skin stretched over your vagina that "tears" or "breaks" when you first have sex, and that can be seen by a gynecologist in an exam. The truth of the matter is that it's a bit more complicated and individual than that. We're not all built the same. It's more accurate to think of the pre-first-time vagina as a tight necked sweater. (Okay, no giggling out there! :-)) If you have to pull it over your head, there are a variety of ways you can manage it if your head won't fit through the first time. You can just yank, and damn the seams tearing. You can snip the sides with a scissor to make the extra room. And you can gently stretch it bit by bit over time until it's big enough to pull over your head. The hymen is the same way. It's not so much a piece of skin stretched over your vagina like a doorway as much as it is a snug fold of skin around the entrance, and you can "widen" it by any number of ways. You can simply push through it and widen it that way. This actually works all right for some girls and women as long as they take it slow. Some women have very "easy" hymens, and will simply feel a pulling or a sensation of warmth. Some, however (like yours truly) will have one that is a bit more robust, and will actually tear if this is done. A gentler option is best for this. You can go to your gynecologist and have her snip it to widen it. This is not as EEEEEE-YOW! painful as it sounds. Just a little sting is probably all you will feel, and she can also probably use a bit of topical anaesthetic to make it painless. ("Topical" anaesthetic is one that works if you simply rub it onto the skin.) This is also an excellent option for girls and women who have hymens that have more than one opening in them. Strange but true -- some have a large opening in the middle and a smaller one to one side. A penis can slide through the central opening more easily, but cause pain if it catches the smaller one. (In fact, if you find that you can have sex easily in one position, but another causes you pain, this could be the problem.) Going to a gynecologist and allowing her to snip the smaller one might solve this problem. Lastly, you can simply stretch it gently over time. There are some options for you to do this yourself. One is called perineal massage, and is often used to widen the vagina gently in preparation for giving birth. The procedure involves using wheatgerm oil (very moisturizing and you won't get allergic to it) and your thumbs to widen your hymen by stretching it over time. Organizations like Planned Parenthood or simply your local gynecologist can help you here. Another option, however, is the vibrator. You can find them in a variety of sizes from small to "get that thing away from me!" and stretch yourself gently and at your own pace -- and have fun doing it! I'd recommend a small, lipstick shaped one of the sort that takes AA batteries, and some wheatgerm oil. Don't try to force it, and don't try to get it all in on the first try. You don't have to break any records, and you're doing this to relax yourself, not to "accomplish" anything. You may feel that it goes in very easily up to a point and then tugs or pulls. It might go in fine from one direction but not the other. Don't be afraid to visit a gynecologist "just for a first time checkup" and ask them in confidence to check it out. It's okay, and you won't be looked at funny. Gynecologists are there to answer your questions, and you won't be the first person to ask her, I promise you. Just ask her if your hymen is wide or tight, thin or more robust. It's okay, really -- she went to medical school and is used to hearing people say the word "hymen." If it won't go in no matter what, don't worry. Yours truly took a long time before anything would budge an inch. It can be simply due to physical tightness, or nervousness, which can cause you to clamp down pretty hard and be rather dry. (Always use lubricant! Just baby oil is okay, although many women adore a water-based lubricant. Again, you aren't trying to break speed records. The whole reason you are doing this is to relax yourself and go at your own pace. After it slides in all the way, you might want to turn it on to see how it feels. I've found that gentle vibrations can be distracting, keeping me from wondering, "Is it going to hurt now?!" If you don't like it, just turn it off again. After you can take in one of the small ones, see if you can get a size larger and start the process over again. You can use the smaller one, or just your fingers, to stimulate your clitoris so that you are distracted enough not to be nervous, and it makes it fun as well.
Even not withstanding the whole "Will it hurt?" business, however, penetration can make women nervous even if the hymen size is not an issue. It takes time to get used to having something inside you, and after a lifetime of conditioning that sex=loss of power for women, the whole sorry mess can be psychologically intimidating as well. Sometimes, just out of nervousness, you can clamp down and prevent anything from getting inside. In this case, a vibrator, something that is available when you want it, and when you feel ready to "give it a go," can be the best thing in the world. You don't have to feel like you need to "apologize" to anyone for being nervous, or for being in pain, and he doesn't have to feel nervous for hurting you, either! You also don't have to feel any "pressure" of, "Well, I guess I'd better just grit my teeth and bear it because he's all excited now . . . " that can make sex seem like something you "owe" someone. You can take it out when you feel ready, and use it at your own pace to get used to the feel of something inside you. *batteries not includedThe differences between the battery and plug-in models lie in different areas. Each has advantages and disadvantages.The battery operated ones are often lighter, and smaller, and can be packed in an overnight case easily, and have no cord to get in the way. They are also less expensive. However, cheaply made ones are very common, and they might not last very long, especially if you use them frequently. The plug-in models are more expensive, but often last longer and have much stronger vibrations. (The cord does, however, get in the way a bit.) Also, the plug-in models often come with various attachments that you can place over the head, many of which can be used on tired feet and aching backs as well! So while the battery-operated ones are more convenient and less pricey, the plug-ins last longer and vibrate more strongly. It's your call. Opinion TimeWhich are best? Well, it depends on what you're after. Many women have differing opinions on the best vibrators, or even if they like them at all.You'll find that our opinions on vibrators are all very different, and depending on our experiences and what we're looking for -- what turns us on -- we have different preferences. How Not To Die Of EmbarrassmentFor a complete selection of sex toys including vibrators and dildos click hereAll products are shipped worldwide, discreetly in a nondescript cardboard box, with a label from Convergence Inc., and your credit card will be charged by Convergence Inc. Your name will not be put On any mailing lists. Copyright 1996 Janis Cortese. Books Becoming Orgasmic: |
