The Brain
An Experience With Drugs And DID
by anonymous
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed prozac. I stayed on prozac until I was 16 before I had to stop taking it (made me feel so bad). I realized that 2 years of my life had just been lost. I decided I was better off on my own.
When I was about 18 years old, my therapist told me that I had dissociative identity disorder (DID) as a result of trauma (I never had depression). My mom remembers me having symptoms when I was as young as 3. What follows is a brief description of how I got where I am now.
The first experience (I was 3 years old) happened when my mom was getting her hair cut. The woman who was supposed to be watching me fell asleep. My mom came home to find me standing next to the highway. As she ran towards me a large truck was approaching me.
I waited and when the truck got close, bolted into the road. My mom grabbed me and pulled me away. Later that evening she asked me why I did it. I told her that Jonas told me to do it. She asked me who Jonas was, I told her he was a man I talked to.
Jonas has been with me as long as I remember. When I was 7, CC came along as well. Everything was fine until I was about 10 when I was singled out by people I thought were my friends at school. I closed myself off and didn't talk to anyone except Jonas and CC until jr. high.
In jr. high, I started meeting real friends again. At about tis time, inner trouble started again. Jonas, CC, and I turned against one another and argued all the time. Miserable and lonely I decided to drown myself in a lake situated in front of my house.
My mom (seeing a light on at the dock) came down to see what I was doing. She convinced me to come back up to the house. But things were still bad at that point in my life.
But just after, I happened to have the opportunity try the drug ecstasy. The high was good, but more importantly, it allowed me to break out of my mental state (for the first time). It was like a fresh reboot for my brain.
For several months after doing ecstasy I had my life back. I was finally in control after using it once. The only drug I used at this time was marijuana. Things only seemed to get better for me mentally.
I felt good enough to where I would do my homework and talk to people, instead of sleeping all the time (like I was prior to using ecstasy).
About 9-10 months after using ecstasy all my symptoms started coming back. Unable to find more ecstasy, I sought professional treatment. This turned out to be a horrible experience.
It was at this time that I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. But all they did was dope me up with dangerous prescription drugs. After three months of hell I quit treatment. I had to quit because it only made me worse.
Being unable to get any ecstasy, I started to take crystal meth or ice instead. I am able to take a small dose (about a quarter of a gram), just when my symptoms start coming back.
So far, this has been once every 2 months. If crystal meth or ice are unavailable, I can substitute a small dose of cocaine (about a quarter of a gram) instead.
I have stayed stable over the past few years and I'm functioning normally (with clear rational thoughts). I don't have to suffer anymore. Thanks to getting my life back, I started college and I'm doing well.
I hope that eventually I'll be able to go without the drugs. As of now, I only do what I need and that's a lot less dangerous than the psychiatric medications a doctor will give you. Prescribed psychiatric drugs always leave me feeling like an empty emotionless shell, unable to think for myself.
I do not recommend this as a treatment for anyone with dissociative identity disorder or any other psychiatric condition. I limit my consumption to a small dose once every 6-8 weeks. If you do any of your own drug research, take a single small dose and do not ingest any drug more often than once a week.
This is not to condone or encourage anyone to self-medicate or not seek professional help. However, many people who have to deal with members of the psychiatric profession often do better if they find their own treatment or cure.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) was previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). The disorder is understood to be a result of the effects of severe trauma in early childhood. Most often, this trauma is caused by extreme, repeated emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse.
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